The Biggest Douchebags in the NHL Today
They are the players that you can’t stand the sight of, the guys who make you fill with rage every time you see them. The ones you hear about in the news acting like arrogant, entitled jerks who think they’re better than others because they have talent. The players you always root against, and cause you to get angry when they succeed and celebrate when they fail. They’re the Britta Perry of the NHL. There’s only one appropriate word for these guys: douchebags.
Sure, there are many players in the league fans hate; agitators, cheap-shot artists, frequent divers, guys who celebrate too much, etc. They may be frustrating, but only because of their style of play. Douchebags, however, don’t stop at annoying us on the ice. They take all the qualities we hate about them and proudly flaunt them in the real world, like peacocks in Ed Hardy t-shirts and slightly askew baseball hats with straight brims.
We may expect some professional athletes to let the fame and fortune to get to their head a little bit, but some players are simply too douchey to not be recognized for their efforts. Therefore, after minutes of research, I give you the inaugural Popped Collar Jersey Award in recognition of the douchiest player in the NHL today.
You would think that the negative attention he received from his drunken attack on a cab driver over 20 cents would make Patrick Kane slightly more careful when it comes to his public image. Unfortunately for bartenders, partiers, and girls everywhere, this is not the case. Last year, Deadspin reconstructed a weekend Patty spent boozing it up. Some highlights: anti-Semitic remarks, choking a girl, and getting kicked out of pretty much everywhere.
During the lockout, when players and owners were depriving fans of hockey because each side wanted more money, Evander Kane decided it would be a good idea to Tweet a picture of himself holding huge wads of cash on a rooftop balcony in Vegas. Pretty bold move for someone who has been accused of skipping out on restaurant bills and, more recently, charging for autographs and skipping out on grocery bills.
Patrick and Evander Kane (who will hereby be referred to by me as “The Douche Twins”) certainly made a good run for the Popped Collar Jersey Award, however their efforts were trumped by someone who has been hated by hockey fans since his days in the CHL. The Popped Collar Jersey Award easily goes to…
Brad Marchand is easily the dirtiest of our three candidates on the ice, and his jackassery off the ice is of legendary status. Marchand has allegedly been kicked out of bars in his hometown of Halifax, Nova Scotia a few times, and apparently caused quite a disturbance after the Bruins’ 2011 Stanley Cup win by urinating on a craps table at Foxwoods Casino, punching a security guard, and walking back to his room naked while exclaiming that he was “above the law.” He was even too drunk to appear in the Bruins’ Stanley Cup DVD. Nice one, Brad.
These three players are certainly talented, but clearly need attitude adjustments.
Am I wrong with these three? Who would you add to the list? Are there any bars that Brad Marchand hasn’t pissed in that you would recommend? Tweet or comment.