How To Improve NHL14
Every year, EA Sports unveils the latest edition of their award winning hockey video game franchise to much hype and fanfare, and every year hockey fans (including myself) fall for the marketing ploys and eagerly await the moment they can rush to the store to purchase a game that is essentially the same as the one currently sitting in their console. This year is no different, only the new features have changed; this time around, EA Sports has added two major updates. The first is the addition of NHL94 anniversary mode (because why play your brand new game when you can play one that you owned 20 years ago?) and “Live the Life” mode, which forces your created players to make choices that real NHL players would have to make. Your character will have to participate in media interviews, seek endorsements, respond to “real world” scenarios, all of which slightly affect the gameplay. It takes the mundane task of playing a high-speed sport and adds the excitement of reading and button pushing.
It appears that the scenarios and choices available to you are all fairly safe, which is unfortunate. The potential to turn your player into a toothless Lindsay Lohan would be too entertaining to pass up. Although this would be excessive, there still exists many entertaining options that we could rip straight from the NHL headlines.
Your team has just won the Stanley Cup! How should you celebrate?
A. Have a few drinks with your team mates.
B. Have too many drinks with your team mates and act a bit crazy. You won the Cup, this doesn’t happen every day, after all!
C. Have far too many drinks, urinate in public, assault someone, and firmly believe that you’re untouchable.
D. Knit socks.
As a member of the Vancouver Canucks, you are concerned for the future of your career as your General Manager has apparently gone completely insane and is considering trading the entire team for 10 professional wrestlers and an elephant. What should you do to make sure your career doesn’t suffer?
A. Change agents.
B. Hide any prescription medication your training staff may have lying around.
C. Relax and start a funny Twitter account; after all, he promised you a trade, you just have to wait this mess out.
D. Stick around, as there’s a very good chance your GM will hire you as a coach. Or Sultan, or something crazy.
Your team’s General Manager, who is normally very conservative but well-respected, recently signed you to a long-term deal. While out of character, it clearly shows his commitment to you as a player and how important he feels you are to the franchise. How should you react?
D. Be a selfish ass.
Someone cuts in front of you in line at the coffee shop. What should you do?
C. React with confusion. A moment ago, someone else was in front of you. Now it’s a new person. What is happening?
You scored 3 goals last year, recently suffered a concussion, and are no longer in your twenties. Your current team has offered you a long-term deal worth nearly $5million per season. How do you react?
A. Ok, stay calm. Just sign the contract and walk out of the room slowly, then immediately drive to Dave & Buster’s, because it’s time to celebrate.
B. Giggle like a little girl.
C. Sacrifice a goat to your agent, because he is clearly a divine power.
D. Sign, then try and find out when Mike Milbury became the team’s new GM.
What are some other scenarios you think would make NHL 14 more fun? Comment, Tweet, or make fun of me on XBox Live.